Lessons

First.
Never compare among siblings. Never! It took me few hours to build the relationship with ara but it took few seconds of saying a sentence to broke us apart gittew. "Adik ara laaaagi comel dari ara" that made her went merajuk to beside the sofa and almost made her cry a river before atan came to the rescue 😓. Haish. N she never talked back to me. Terus rindu few minutes before where we laughed and jelir lidah to each other 😣

Second.
The pillow talk. Esp when mama (read: mama ilya) came in.

"Kalau dia serius dengan kita pastu xmain2, xajak merapu2, tu tanda dia suka betul2"

"Kalau dia ambik berat pasal kita, tu tanda dia betul2 suka"

"Terus terang. Lelaki n perempuan ni otak lain2. Esp smallest matter. Xsuka xpuas hati jangan simpan dlm hati sebab later u gonna burst out loud n tu yg boleh rosakkan hubungan"

Jumpa mak ayah ok, ciri2 kita nak tu ada, plan jadi, ok la tu. Mungkin hati kita yg xok sebab kita banyak emosi, banyak prasangka. Check ourself first before others. Hati. Iman. Istiqomah.

#that26dec

Soalan

"Sanggup x hidup susah?"

Dan sungguh soalan itu perlunya jawapan jujur bukan hipokrit tambah dari diri yg serba manja dan cukup dijaga.

"Doakanla supaya sanggup."

Aku pilih untuk jujur.

Memoir

31/8/2015 - mula

10/9/2015 - jujur

24/9/2015jujur - datang

BE

So like I said in the last post, nak try join BE study if pass screening, remember? Haa aim nak join yg dapat 2k+ tapi keadaan xmengizinkan lantas diletakkan dalam study seterusnya, Losartan  2x weekend dapat 500+. Alhamdulillah la jugak xdapat p yg 2k tu sbb dia act kena stay hospital 17 hari! can't imagine laa cemana kan. masa nak tu dok nampak duit jaa mehmehmeh. So today is act my last day of last weekend la untuk BE ni. Alhamdulillah one achievement unlock! Haha.

Untuk orang yg xpernah derma darah macam aku ni, and masa sekolah kalau kena cucuk aku lah yg paling fragile bukan sebab nangis2 masa kena cucuk tapi lepas tu sebab sakitnyaaa hoi! Xmenahannn. Tambah2 masa form 2 (kalau xsilap) lepas kena cucuk tu balik asrama kena langgar dgn tray (can u imagine thatttt???!!!) kat site lengan yg kena inject tu hoho. Cry a river! Haha.

X la teruk sangat pun all the canulation and draw blood process. Sakit sikit je, kejap je. First week, cucuk 2x sebab salah vein tapi xla sakit gila. Second week haha sakit lebih sikit sebab dah la dia xdapat cari vein pastu terasa dia cucuk dengan ganas and korek2 nak cari vein tu grrrr. Setiap kali nak canulate mesti dok motivate diri alaaa apela sangat sakit ni banding dengan sakit beranak kannn. Haha. And thats the best motivation ever, seriously! Hihi.

Alhamdulillah all went well. Bila lagi nak 'practise rasa sakit', kan? Anis is on her way to become stronger! InsyaAllah :)

Tampal

Tampal gigi is not a good thing kan? Umur 23 pun still ketaq gak bila kena p tampal gigi. Nervous sangat sampai first visit bila dr kata ada 2 gigi berlubang, kau ter-react ntah cemana sampai dr kata ni check je next appointment baru tampal. Kehkehkeh. Over je.

So after 1 week p la klinik kesihatan tupai, taiping tu. Dapat dr diyana, the one who checked me last week. So dia explain la kena cuci gigi dulu baru tampal. Baru aku tahu yg ngilu ngilu b4 ni bila tampal gigi bukan proses tampalan tu, process cuci tu rupanyaaaaa.

Then bila dia cuci, masyaAllah xsakitttttt xngiluuuuuu. Sebab dia 'sembur' sikit2. Kan selalu yg ngilu tu bila dr duk ngengggggg lama2 kat gigi. Dia buat memang xngilu sebab dia byk stop. Best sangat. Kalau aku tau camni rela hati tampal semua gigi hihi. Bila suruh rapatkan gigi n dia tanya ada rasa tggi n i said yes, dia akan ratakan pelan2. Seriously her service is better than klinik swasta. Serious! Because i went to klinik swasta last time. Arghhh ngilu sangat! N rasa gigi tinggi sobsob.

I love u dr diyana, klinik kesihatan taipingtupai, taiping, bilik 2, pukul 10.45-11.30 (lebih kurang). Dear dr, if one day u open a clinic, please tell me. Rasa nak dr je as my dentist. Hehe. And for my future kids.

Alhamdulillah settle satu scariest thing. Next, if pass the screening, i'm thinking of joining be study. Aah, scary sbb dia nak canulate n amek darah byk kali setiap hari. Lets try.

😩

"Desperate?"

"Hg rasa desperate ke kalau mnx dgn cara ikhlas?"

Plan

Pffft I'm taking such a long time to rest! Though it's Ramadhan, I should've started something lah kan. Ouh well I did start something act. Done unpacking!  Hehe. Done organizing all the books, notes and four-years-stuff. No new cabinet k! Just a new transparent container je. Sob sob. But i was the one who decided to just put all my books in that box lah kot kot nanti prp dapat jauh senang la nak pindah. Haha. Hmmm now I'm more towards penang lah. Hmmm at least I can make a frequent visit to tok's house. Hmmm I don't know. Wpon prof syed kata taiping ada je kosong and penang, kedah, s elangor, kl mcm padat la for prp. Hmmm. Xpela, ada 3 choice for prp posting. Perak? Penang? Another one? Hmmm.

Ah back to my pre-prp to-do-list! Hmmm haven't started yet! Just small little tiny thing.

If u fail to plan, u r planning to fail!

Ark ok tomorrow must come out with a nicely scheduled plan! InsyaAllah!

Pergi

Engkau bagaikan bintang2 di angkasa
Hanya mampu melihat kamu yg terbiar...

Perit, pedih sungguh bila hati merindui yang telah pergi, takkan kembali.

Silaplah andai kau jarangkan waktu ziarah yg makin menginjak usia senja kerana sibuk akan urusan dunia. Krna kau xpernah tahu bila tiba masanya akan Allah tarik dia.

Silaplah andai kau tahu dia akn pergi tapi kau xpernah hargai waktu yg tersisa kerana anggapanmu masa itu bukan lah semakin menghampiri. Hakikatnya waktu tak pernah terhenti.

Silaplah andai kau rasa saat yg paling menyayat hati itu jauh lagi, kerana orang tua2, walau tiada sakit, badannya xberdaya lagi. Sekuat mana segagah mana dia di matamu hakikatnya andai sesuatu terjadi, daya tahannya, ketahanannya, segala fungsi badannya xsekuat mana untuk melawan kembali.

Bila saat itu tiba, hanya memori teindah dan bacaan sedekah yang mampu temani.

Wan

Jauh, terbawa lukisan hatimu

Hilang mencari di mana kau pergi

Tinggal aku menahan luka ini

Sampai harusku pergi...

Redup wajahmu, sabar tingkahmu, serak suaramu, gurau mesramu, kasar tanganmu, anis rindu.

Tak pernah anis ucap sayang kat wan. Sekarang, mampu baca al-fatihah je. Xpernah anis bancuhkan kopi untuk wan. Tapi anis lah tukang perabih kopi wan. Peminat nombor satu! The best kopi in the world! Kali ni kena belajar bancuh sendiri. Tak pernah anis cium pipi wan, terakhir kalinya hanya mampu cium yg sudah kaku.

Masa tok kata wan sekarang makan nasi dgn nenas cicah kuah rojak anis terdetik sesuatu. Tapi, anis abaikan. Masa akhir pertemuan itu Allah detikkan untuk tengok wan betul2 sampai wan kalihkan pandangan. Tak sangka, itu yang terakhir anis tengok jasad dan roh wan masih bersatu, masih berjalan, mengalih pandangan. 

Sungguh, cepat sangat wan pergi. Anis terpaksa ingatkan diri sendiri, wan dah pergi. Takkan kembali. Al-fatihah. Moga wan bahagia di sana.

Abd Aziz bin Haji Musa

1936-2015.

Habis

Dah nak habis...
Ilmu rasa macam banyaaaak sangaaaaat nak kena tadah.
Sobs.

We never appreciate things, until its already the end of the time.

Smile

Tadi ada motor tetiba buat u turn depan aku, its in the middle of the road kot so I was like moto niiii sambil muka kerut2. Then u know what he did? Sentap tau aku. He smiled sambil angguk sikit, ikhlas sangat, sampai muka aku yg kerut2 tu cepat2 aku ubah tukar jadi senyum balik to him.

Ajaibnya ikhlas. Ajaibnya senyuman. Subhanallah.
Aku yg menyirap terus cool down.
Sentap.

Teringat Rasulullah.
Kata cinta?
Sobs.

Rasulullah suka senyum.
Rasulullah xsuka marah.
Rasulullah penyabar.

Dia bejaya buat satu rasa, yg buat aku fikir,
betullah do the talks,
betullah contoh yg plg baik adalah yg kita boleh nampak dan ikut,
betullah dakwah itu lebih baik dgn cara perbuatan yg menunjuk contoh,
bukan hanya kata2 yg prung prang prung prang.

Satu senyuman,
buat aku muhasabah.
Terima kasih awak.
Dan anak awak kat belakang tu.
Moga Allah jaga!

Benci

Paling benci orang hempas hempas barang.
What the?

Biggest Mistake!

" Aku tau hang penat dgn convention tu kan, lepas tu dr no 3 jadi no 6 "

" Hg kena kawal emosi hg "

" Aku tau hg tak expect pon soalan macm tu. Ak igt lagi hg kata sr hg kata depa xtanya benda selain pharmaco "

" Mana tahu Allah nak tarbiyah hg dgn cara ni. Allah tahu hg akan tersentuh dgn ni. "

" Xpa, this is your first time Anis. "

" Kau dah memang macam ni (cepat letih) "

At the end, i know its all my mistake. My biggest mistake.
Kena pandai kawal emosi, Anis.
Kena pandai handle things, walau penat macam mana pon, Anis.
Kena bangkit dari kelemahan diri, Anis.

Sampai bila nak terus berulit senang lenang dgn kata
" dah aku mmg macam ni "

Macam tu nak jadi somebody important?
Too far, Anis. Way too far.

The choice is yours. Silalah. Nak berubah ke xnak.

Masak

Yesterday was a happy day. Started with a feeling of cepat lah habis hari ni~ Since malam tu tido lewat kelam kabut buat slides for clerkship last minit! Mana taknye, the day before tu ada kuiz! Then ptg balik aim nak siapkan slides for viva pulak since this weekend I will be very busy being MPS Convention Helpers. Isnin viva. Haha. Take a chill pill~

Then Ilya call ajak main masak2. Initially I was like wanted to refuse dah tapi macam best. Hari ni plk free, so can continue finish up the slides later. So I joined them!. It was funnnnn. Pergi market terkejut kucing lari sampai pak cik belakang pun terkejut sekali. Then pilih ikan macam nak pilih baju. Lepas tu masa masak riuh2. Macam explorace dah sebab dok cari barang perkakas ye la that was not our dapur kannn.

Masa masak terguna kucing punya sudu la instead of sudu manusia. Then dah nak masak baru kalut cari minyak. Then eh y this garam warna pink peliknya (it was the original salt they said). Then nak kunyitkan ikan terkarikan ikan la. Confidently called the maid as Kak Mas padahal nama dia Kak Su. Hahahaha. Dok kira2 udang dapat sorg berapa la since lepas bersiang buang kepala baru nampak eh sikitnya. Initially like hmmm sorg 2 kot ended with sorg 4 alhamdulillah! So many laughter!

Enden up berjaya siapkan:
1) Ikan siakap steam (guna asam boi)
2) Siakap 3 rasa
3) Udang masak kunyit
4) Sayur campur
5) Air limau yummy

It was a fun n memorable day :)

Exercise

So to boost up my spirit i bought new sportshoes wakakaka. Macam vivvy kan? :P

Semalam started the DAY 1 of exercise. Tu pon initially nak jogging but then discount to main badminton depan lift je, which is indoor. N that was after i tried to ask my roomate to replace me to go n play with Ilya.  Sakit perut tauuuu (such a lame excuse but its trueeeee). Tp dia xnak! Anyway, alhamdulillah berjaya. Tu pon I played the first half je (sakit tangannnn) then paksa my roomate who was sitting at the side there watching us, initially baca buku but then count the point for us. Haha.

Then today, DAY 2. Alhamdulillah berjaya jugak! Walaupon masa bangun tu I was like alaa xhujan ke. Haha. Then buka laptop realizing byk gila kerja nak kena buat. Writing dissertation, case study, presentation paeds, upcoming quiz in 2 days time. Arkkk. Im dead! Again, I ask for a discount. Haha. Pegi stadium naik kereta lah? Kena la pulas telinga sikit (xsakit ponnn). Then we went for a roti canai (roti telur to be exact). *sigh. Balik bilik, ubemate dah belikan breakfast, roti canai! Haha. Rezeki jgn nak tolak2. After all she looked sad dah bila kitorg kata kitorg p mamak td. Xpe2, I love my friend more ok?

So? There should be until DAY 30 (hopefully!) so that my never-achieved-this-level weight can back to normal. Sob sob.

Sugar

Expecting a bitter coffee but u r putting a lot of sugar? How meh?

Or.

Expecting a sweet drink but u r putting less sugar?

Deep kot. Malas nak interpret. More to usaha vs. hasil.

I Miss U!

Rindu.
Rindu usrah. T_T

Sisi

Manusia itu ada dua sisinya.
Satu baik.
Satu buruk.

Beruntunglah andai kita dapat lihat yg baiknya saja.
Tapi cerahlah andai kita dapat lihat keduanya.

Paling beruntung?
Bila nampak baiknya itu lagi tinggi jika dibanding dengan yg buruk.

Ah.
Hakikatnya baik buruk itu penilaian hati kita.
Buruk bisa jadi baik andai kita bersangka baik.
Meletakkan andaian positif pada yg buruknya itu.

Pada akhirnya, suma berbalik pada hati kita...

Happy

Haha tak. Sebenarnya tgh stress!
What theeeeee
Payah perempuan ni
Stress pon nak nangis
Nak isolate
Nak ngamuk
Nak ponteng kelas
Nak bebai
Nak sakit kepala
Bla bla bla


Banyak kerja so the solution bukan nangis.
P buat kerja!

Xtenang/ stress/ n all the negative feeling.
Solution bukannnya xtau.
P ngaji solat sunat.
Halau itu setan.




Girl n PMS is soooo complicated.
Even the girl also cannot understand herself.




Nak balik!

Judge

Xda latar belakang agama
Ilmu xbanyak

Lepas tu ada hati nak pandai2 kata hat ni betul hat ni salah hat ni boleh hat ni xboleh. Simple hadis pun xhafal. Kita nowadays..

Kita hidup akhir zaman.
Tahu.
Dunia dah nak kiamat.
Tahu.
Fitnah berleluasa.
Tahu.
Ramai org memandai2.
Tahu.
Ramai org xikut hukum.
Tahu.

" Jangan memberi hukum / berfatwa / bercakap kalau kamu tiada ilmu " - A syeikh (can't remember his name but his video is available in youtube.

Macam2 benda jadi. Ada yg kata salah ada yg kata betul. At the end of the day entah2 kita p ikut kata org yg salah. Yg xda ilmu pun pasal benda tu. Xpon kita memandai2 p judge sendiri padahal dalam dada kosong! Ilmu xbyk!

The best?
TANYA ALIM ULAMA.